So way too much effort to actually think of a title. Started school on Thursday. From everything I've experienced (all of two days), school is either going to be hell, or one of the best years ever. Not too sure on which it's going to be. Mandarin will be interesting, if not fun. Though it'll most likely be one of the hardest classes, maybe the hardest...just on terms of studying and understanding. I mean, it's a whole separate language family from anything I've learned before. With Spanish...it was hard yes, but at least I could conceivably read the written word, even if my pronunciation was horrible. With Mandarin? I can't read symbols! I can barely even write them decently. Actually, no. I can't write them decently. They are much too large and twisted. Plus, the language itself sounds rather weird compared to the Romance languages. Add on the four tones, and that makes it even harder. At least with the uhh...romanized syllables, if that's the right way to put it...they show which tone is supposed to be used. What's interesting to note is that Yao Ming, the basketball player, his name can mean two different things. If you say it as a name, it is just his name. But if you say it with the 4th tone, downward, (I think), then it means I want to take life. Which is rather funny. To me at least.

AP Statistics should be fun. Mr. Letter is one of the best teachers. U.S. History on the other hand...oh dear. I'm one of the three seniors in my class haha. Plus, apparently I was supposed to read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair over the summer. Never got that memo. Now I have a day to do it. Tomorrow. Otherwise, it should be alright. AP Lit? Should go okay. As long as I keep up on the reading and all that stuff that is...World Religions? I think that is going to be my favorite class. I've been wanting to take it since freshman year when I found out about the course. I can't wait to get more into it! Environmental Science? Is most likely going to be hell. Simply because of all the troublemakers in that class. Ugh.

On another note, I feel quite useless. I feel worthless. I don't even really know why. Or maybe I do...and my subconscious doesn't want to divulge its' secret. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling as if no one wants me or wants to be with me. Am I that bad? Why don't people want to be with me? I have to resort to talking with people online just to keep my loneliness and depression at bay. And it allows me to keep up a facade of hope that people really do want to talk and hang out with me. Or even be friends with me. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and sleep forever. At least in my dreams people want to hang out with me. At least in my dreams I'm wanted. It is so much better than reality. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to survive another year like this. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. If it is really worth all this pain. I don't understand myself sometimes. I just want to have friends who willingly want to be with me. Is that really too much to ask for?